First Contact...

Our little Caroline's birthday is May 3rd so I've sent my first "care package." 

This is what is being sent to her via Ann at http://www.redthreadchina.com/.

and a cake will be delivered to her on her birthday too!

Pray that she gets everything.

Pray that she understands.

Pray that this doesn't scare her.

Pray that her foster parents are preparing her for us...

Pray for her to be safe and happy!

Pray for her to have a wonderful birthday!

It's really happening!

LID

~ 4-20-2010 ~

We are LOGGED IN people!!!

We are IN the China system!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm feeling very hopeful today...

which is a good thing.

Lately, I've been in a funky mood.  A funk.  A deep Dark hole.  I haven't let myself think much of our Caroline.  The China topic has made me very sad for a number of reasons.  Mostly, I was just so frustrated with our paperwork issues and feeling as though I was letting little Caroline down in that she should be adopted by someone who can at least get paperwork finished in a timely manner.  I feel that we took WAY too long to get our dossier ready, and I realize some of it wasn't our fault, but I still feel it should have been quicker.  So this has added the word "guilt" to my new role as a mother. 

A "mother".... really?  Is it going to happen this time?  I'm so afraid that it's going to be yanked away the closer we move toward her.  I'm so afraid that if I let myself LOVE this child, that I'm going to lose her.  My poor heart is so afraid!  

But a "Mother"..... truely?   I HAVEN"T THE FOGGIEST IDEA of how to be one to a SIX year old!  :)
Her sixth birthday is on Monday, May 3rd.    Motherhood normally starts a little less intimidating doesn't it?  I mean, a baby isn't going to "judge" you on being a good mother, right?  But I'm so afraid... what am I going to do with a six year old?  :)  Oh my goodness.  I don't know how to be a mother. 

Yet.

Am I whining?  Is this normal?  Am I having cold feet?  Why yes, yes I am. 

But today....

Today, I am feeling hopeful and ever-so-slightly excited, and there is a tiny, warm, pink glow lighting up in my heart.... it's flickering and fluttering, and growing in strength.  I guess this is what it means..... to have a child growing inside of me.... only this time.... it's in my heart. 

Hallelujah Chorus!!!

WE ARE DTC!!!!

("Dossier to CHINA" or to Caroline!)

shut up shut up shut up.... I'm so excited!  ehehehehhheheeeeheheheh! 

TODAY!

joy...joy...joyous...JOY!

.
(I also learned that hallelujah doesn't have an "i"..... eh.  Learn something new everyday!)



he! he!

Did you see?

I made it on PBS!  :) 

(for a few seconds....)

http://www.unctv.org/ourstate/episode505/index.html#1

Well... at least they didn't repeat the "I really like birds" interview.

"I'm shocked.... I'm just shocked."  :)