Last week I finally did something that I've been wanting to do for a little more than seven years. I took a belly dance class! Yay for that!
I started wanting to take belly dance before Narc and I got married. I remember the first belly dance video I bought was of this older-kind-of weird lady who grossed me out at first, but she had a killer floor routine. I wanted to learn to belly dance from that moment on. I remember purchasing three more belly dance videos online right after 9-11. I was worried that America would ban Middle Eastern Dance or something crazy like that, so I was concerned that my videos wouldn't make it! Ha! Ha!
It was hard to dance in my little bedroom, but I wanted to dance for my new husband on our honeymoon. I had a dance choreographed and everything, but for some reason....... hmmmmm, it never happened. But that's ok. Now..... I want to dance for me. I want to feel movement. I want to hear music and follow along with my muscles. I have been depressed and down for so long since the loss of our daughter...... it finally feels good to "get up."
Also, my best friend is my little red nano ipod..... and when I close my eyes and listen to music..... I'm always moving in my mind. I'm dancing, twirling, and beautiful. So.... one step at a time, getting my inflexible body, my sore joints, my weak muscles to morph into what my mind sees.
I've also wanted to be a part of a group. I've always been a loner..... not because of choice, more because of shyness. Somehow I'm shaking that part of me off. I stepped into the dance studio and waited for the class to begin. All these little girls were around...... I started to feel very sad that I never experienced dance as a child. I didn't do anything physical (except pitiful swimming lessons) because I was always too afraid. These little girls seemed so very secure and happy. Bouncy. Confident. A part of something.
I hope I can do this. I hope to be good. I hope to become strong. I hope to have something for myself. I hope to no longer have to twirl in my mind...... but in the here and now.
Cool. ;)
July 19, 2008
June 24, 2008
Finish what you start.
The other day, I was talking with a friend about knitting when she asked me why I've never worn anything that I've made if I love to knit so much. Hmmm.
Well, there's a pretty good reason for this actually. I've never finished anything that I've started knitting or crocheting, except for scarves and dishcloths, and I'm not a big scarf wearing person ...... I'm lucky enough to remember a coat if it's cold outside.
My first knitted scarf.
My first crocheted scarf.
I have started quite a few sweater projects, only to lose interest or to get way over my head in technicalities. I bought VERY expensive yarn on our Outer Banks trip last summer...... I actually did finish the front piece, but I stopped because I became nervous that, "That thing will NEVER fit around me!" Alas, all that beautiful yarn is sitting in a bag upstairs.....waiting in my yarn stash.
My lovely yarn stash.... made into something pretty!
Also, I'm a very up-tight knitter. While knitting, I'll catch my shoulders creeping up to my ears, and I'll notice that I'm holding my breath. Maybe this is why my knitting is so tight. I think knitting should be a calming, soothing, relaxing past time, but ..... I'm just too afraid I'll drop a stitch or something, and then where would I be?
Crocheting is a little better however, and I recently bought a pattern for a pretty shapely short sleeved sweater. So I'm going to give this crocheting/knitting thing one more try. I'll keep you posted on how it goes..... if it goes at all!
Well, there's a pretty good reason for this actually. I've never finished anything that I've started knitting or crocheting, except for scarves and dishcloths, and I'm not a big scarf wearing person ...... I'm lucky enough to remember a coat if it's cold outside.
My first knitted scarf.
My first crocheted scarf.
I have started quite a few sweater projects, only to lose interest or to get way over my head in technicalities. I bought VERY expensive yarn on our Outer Banks trip last summer...... I actually did finish the front piece, but I stopped because I became nervous that, "That thing will NEVER fit around me!" Alas, all that beautiful yarn is sitting in a bag upstairs.....waiting in my yarn stash.
My lovely yarn stash.... made into something pretty!
Also, I'm a very up-tight knitter. While knitting, I'll catch my shoulders creeping up to my ears, and I'll notice that I'm holding my breath. Maybe this is why my knitting is so tight. I think knitting should be a calming, soothing, relaxing past time, but ..... I'm just too afraid I'll drop a stitch or something, and then where would I be?
Crocheting is a little better however, and I recently bought a pattern for a pretty shapely short sleeved sweater. So I'm going to give this crocheting/knitting thing one more try. I'll keep you posted on how it goes..... if it goes at all!
June 16, 2008
To Remember...
June 16th, 2006
In memory of our Anna Grace.
You are in my thoughts always.
You are in the changing of the light in our home,
You are in the dew on the flowers,
You are in the magic of watching a bunny eat clover flowers in our yard,
You are in the beauty of a rainbow,
You are in the blue bird fluttering in the sky above Pop and Laney and the new kitten.
You are in my heart....... forever more.
I miss you so very much Anna. I love you.
In memory of our Anna Grace.
You are in my thoughts always.
You are in the changing of the light in our home,
You are in the dew on the flowers,
You are in the magic of watching a bunny eat clover flowers in our yard,
You are in the beauty of a rainbow,
You are in the blue bird fluttering in the sky above Pop and Laney and the new kitten.
You are in my heart....... forever more.
I miss you so very much Anna. I love you.
June 14, 2008
May 29, 2008
Got Spackle?
Sometimes........................
there are just one too many negative pregnancy tests.
whoops!
there are just one too many negative pregnancy tests.
whoops!
May 22, 2008
Bless their hearts.......
Our hearts just break for the Chapman's.
In Memory of little ladybug, Maria Sue Chapman.
In Memory of little ladybug, Maria Sue Chapman.
May 17, 2008
HoHo practices Waiting.
So I visited this website, China adoption forecast, and this is when they predict that our adoption will be complete:
Our best guess: 2016-07-24
Wow.... only eight years. heh.
SO:
Ni Hao, Kai-Lan!
Now..... if only I could find something that I like to do....... for the next five to eight years.... then maybe this adoption will go through before I know it!
heh.
By-the-way..... when did monkeys become so complicated??? I guess the simple days of eating bananas and picking nits off oneself are over. *** sigh***
Our best guess: 2016-07-24
Wow.... only eight years. heh.
SO:
Ni Hao, Kai-Lan!
Now..... if only I could find something that I like to do....... for the next five to eight years.... then maybe this adoption will go through before I know it!
heh.
By-the-way..... when did monkeys become so complicated??? I guess the simple days of eating bananas and picking nits off oneself are over. *** sigh***
May 12, 2008
April 20, 2008
Comfort shoes......
I know we have quite a wait ahead of us before we can bring home our daughter from China, and I'm trying very hard not to just go nuts and buy a lot of stuff, get her room ready, and pick out a name, but..... aren't these the sweetest little shoes?
I have them on my bedside table as a daily reminder of her presence in our future.
Addicted.... but only a little!
It all started January 2007. My mom, my sister, and I went to a Bare Escentuals boutique in Charlotte, NC in celebration of my birthday. From that day forth....... we've had a bit of a "problem." Maybe it's the pretty packages, maybe it's all the beautiful colors, or possibly it's just the wonderful performance of this make-up, but we can't seem to get enough. So it goes without saying that when we had the chance to meet the creator and CEO of Bare Escentuals, we were there!
Oooh, so exciting!
This is my sister, my mom, me, and Leslie, CEO of B.E.
I've always loved cosmetics. I mean after all, I did attend Cosmetology school from 1995-2000......um, on and off! (Beauty School drop-out!) However, I didn't think that I had that much of a B.E. problem, until I started stacking all of the little jars up.
Wow. But of course........ I'm worth it. (or something like that!)
Oooh, so exciting!
This is my sister, my mom, me, and Leslie, CEO of B.E.
I've always loved cosmetics. I mean after all, I did attend Cosmetology school from 1995-2000......um, on and off! (Beauty School drop-out!) However, I didn't think that I had that much of a B.E. problem, until I started stacking all of the little jars up.
Wow. But of course........ I'm worth it. (or something like that!)
April 10, 2008
The Great Wall..........hurdle.
What a long way to go......... But last night, we applied to an agency to begin our CHINA adoption!!!!!
Big NEWS! Hugeeeeeee!!!! I'm so so so very excited! I know that it will be a very long wait, but simply starting this journey to having a family is such a relief, so very exciting, so hopeful, so comforting, and so wonderful! We hope for many miracles; we need much prayer; we rest in the knowledge that we are moving toward our daughter.
April 2, 2008
Eeeeeaster eggs and bunny ears....
LOOK! Me in a dress! Well.... not really, it's a skirt, but STILL!
I don't know why my Easter outfits always have to be black...ish.
Marc and I colored easter eggs with Laney and Charlie. (my niece and nephew.)
My sister's birthday was last week. We took some fun pictures with Bmama. (my 88 year "old" grandmother)
(notice my sister putting devil ears on Bmama.... as if!)
And I taught Laney how to make bunny ears. (She's four...and it took a lot longer than I would have thought!)
And..... most of all.... I've been avoiding doing anything, even blogging because I've had this hanging over my head.
Yes, that's right. That is about .... oh, I'd say six to seven loads of clean clothes. I have been putting off putting up the clothes for almost three weeks now.
You know, I really don't mind doing laundry. I love the smell of Tide....and of fabric softeners, and fabric sheets. I like to clean out the lint trap on the dryer. AAACK! Dusty! I even fold the clothes straight out of the dryer. The freshly cleaned clothes, neatly folded in the laundry baskets, even make it up three flights of stairs to our bedroom.........
but I HATE..... I repeat.... LOATHE to put the clothes up.
I don't know why, I just do. It's not that bad once I get started. I think it has something to do with the actual process that I make myself go through. You see, I must make the bed and then sort the clothes into separate piles depending on where they go. (underwear piles, sock piles, hanging clothes piles, and so on and so forth....) It's enough to make anyone MAD. And I can't just put up one basket. NO. I must wait until all of the laundry is clean before I make my epic journey to put it up.
So finally..... after putting this off for two weekends, tonight ....... I put up the laundry.
(ALAS!) But then I realized that there is still a load in the washer and also one in the dryer. Hmmmmmm. Maybe I can wait until next week to put those up.
I don't know why my Easter outfits always have to be black...ish.
Marc and I colored easter eggs with Laney and Charlie. (my niece and nephew.)
My sister's birthday was last week. We took some fun pictures with Bmama. (my 88 year "old" grandmother)
(notice my sister putting devil ears on Bmama.... as if!)
And I taught Laney how to make bunny ears. (She's four...and it took a lot longer than I would have thought!)
And..... most of all.... I've been avoiding doing anything, even blogging because I've had this hanging over my head.
Yes, that's right. That is about .... oh, I'd say six to seven loads of clean clothes. I have been putting off putting up the clothes for almost three weeks now.
You know, I really don't mind doing laundry. I love the smell of Tide....and of fabric softeners, and fabric sheets. I like to clean out the lint trap on the dryer. AAACK! Dusty! I even fold the clothes straight out of the dryer. The freshly cleaned clothes, neatly folded in the laundry baskets, even make it up three flights of stairs to our bedroom.........
but I HATE..... I repeat.... LOATHE to put the clothes up.
I don't know why, I just do. It's not that bad once I get started. I think it has something to do with the actual process that I make myself go through. You see, I must make the bed and then sort the clothes into separate piles depending on where they go. (underwear piles, sock piles, hanging clothes piles, and so on and so forth....) It's enough to make anyone MAD. And I can't just put up one basket. NO. I must wait until all of the laundry is clean before I make my epic journey to put it up.
So finally..... after putting this off for two weekends, tonight ....... I put up the laundry.
(ALAS!) But then I realized that there is still a load in the washer and also one in the dryer. Hmmmmmm. Maybe I can wait until next week to put those up.
March 19, 2008
Thank goodness it's Friday..... well, close enough.
Shooooo, am I glad the last day of my work week is tomorrow. I get Friday off! Yay for that! This week has been tough. I like my new job, but I miss my friends terribly from my last job. I miss you guys!! I'm so lonely at work without ya'll!
I am such a creature of habit, and this week has put me through the ringer with all of the newness. I have a different lunch hour (way to freakin' early for me!) And also, I'm not sure what to do with myself while on break so I've been riding around aimlessly. Ah well. I'm sure I'll get back in a rut quickly enough. (Cause that's where I like to be.) ;)
Another reason for such an unsettling week........
"Wow! Did I do that?" said Gizamee. Yes you little blankety-blank kitty cat, you missed the litter box too many times and we had to cut out our carpet! Man, I hate for anything to be messed up in the house, and a big gaping hole in the carpet falls into that category.
But it is almost the weekend...... and this is all I'm going to be doing:
I am such a creature of habit, and this week has put me through the ringer with all of the newness. I have a different lunch hour (way to freakin' early for me!) And also, I'm not sure what to do with myself while on break so I've been riding around aimlessly. Ah well. I'm sure I'll get back in a rut quickly enough. (Cause that's where I like to be.) ;)
Another reason for such an unsettling week........
"Wow! Did I do that?" said Gizamee. Yes you little blankety-blank kitty cat, you missed the litter box too many times and we had to cut out our carpet! Man, I hate for anything to be messed up in the house, and a big gaping hole in the carpet falls into that category.
But it is almost the weekend...... and this is all I'm going to be doing:
March 11, 2008
Something old, something new....
Today was my last day at FC. ;( I was so very sad to leave all of my friends. They gave me a beautiful lucky bamboo arrangement, along with a gift card that I will have no problem in using up immediately, and an ice cream cake! Yum! I'm going to miss them so much!
Thursday, I start my new job at FNB. So..... we'll see how that goes! Wish me luck! (Yay for lucky bamboo!)
March 5, 2008
What to do....What to do.
Having Children shouldn't be this hard. Am I just delusional in thinking this? A little girl is supposed to grow up, fall in love, marry a wonderful man, and then have children. There shouldn't be any major decisions to make. It should just happen. But you know...... it doesn't always happen that way.
I have lost my way a little. Yesterday, I read this article. I must say it has upset me quite a lot. If it's true, I have been misguided in thinking that I would be saving an orphan girl from a country that doesn't want her. But if it is true about the parents waiting four or more years to adopt domestically from China..... I don't want to take their children from them. Special Needs adoption from China would still be an option, but can I take it? Can I handle picking out a child and not getting her? Can Marc handle this? Or should we choose another country? It would be so much easier to go to say...Russia than to deal with all of the China unknown.
I have just been searching for a sign. From God. Searching for him to tell me what to do, what to believe, and what to hope for.
This would all be much simpler if I could figure out exactly what the pull to China adoption is. Is it because I lost my little girl in such a way....... do I need redemption? I want so terribly to save a little girl from suffering. And in return, to save myself from suffering?
I have lost my way a little. Yesterday, I read this article. I must say it has upset me quite a lot. If it's true, I have been misguided in thinking that I would be saving an orphan girl from a country that doesn't want her. But if it is true about the parents waiting four or more years to adopt domestically from China..... I don't want to take their children from them. Special Needs adoption from China would still be an option, but can I take it? Can I handle picking out a child and not getting her? Can Marc handle this? Or should we choose another country? It would be so much easier to go to say...Russia than to deal with all of the China unknown.
I have just been searching for a sign. From God. Searching for him to tell me what to do, what to believe, and what to hope for.
This would all be much simpler if I could figure out exactly what the pull to China adoption is. Is it because I lost my little girl in such a way....... do I need redemption? I want so terribly to save a little girl from suffering. And in return, to save myself from suffering?
March 2, 2008
Harry Potter Doldrums
Ok....ok, so I started re-reading the Harry Potter books again in January. Yes.... I know..... AGAIN?
This time, I began reading the series because I've had time to let book seven sink in, and I wanted to re-read the entire series back-to-back to get the full effect. I'm at the end of book six now, and about to begin the final Harry Potter book (that I've only read once before!) But you know......then what?
I've read and reread these books so many times through the years while impatiently waiting on the next Harry Potter installment that I kinda don't know what to read now. And also..... I mean.... how many times can a person reread Harry Potter? (2 times per year 2000-2006 until the last book came out in 2007 = 16 times including this last reading!)
I mean the Dumbledore being gay explanation from J.K. Rowling made things a little interesting at first, but.....you know....not really.
I've even read the British version.
(not that much different except a jumper to them is a sweater, and tennis shoes are trainers.) (Oh yeah, and they eat something called... Spotted Dick.)
I am not even lying, ya'll. I looked up the recipe!
But!
That's not all.
I have just realized that I do the same things over and over and over again. It's not just Harry Potter.... oh no.
It's EVERYTHING! ;) Take for instance, Friday at work, I asked my co-worker to bring me a pack of Handi-snacks cheese and crackers from the breakroom. Everything was fine until she called me from said breakroom and told me we were out of cheese and crackers.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok.
"How about cheese and pretzels?"
Ok.
So she brings me the cheese and pretzels, and they were very good. I said, "These are great! How can you not like cheese..... and you know....pretzels?" But the very unclear point I am trying to make here is that I would've never tried the pretzels had the crackers been there.
Is my whole life like this....? Yeah. It is.
And my poor husband. Bless his heart. He has to deal with this everynight.
Well, what can I say. I love me some greenbeans!
But any way you stack them..... still greenbeans.
Maybe, it's just a comfort thing. Maybe I'm OCD or something. I don't really think so though, because I usually don't freak out if I can't have something. I think it's more to do with actually deciding to do something else.
It's easy to just go to Chick-Fil-A and have a "six pack kid's meal with a medium tea" every single day (which I did for about .... oh, I'd say six years because I worked close by to a Chick-Fil-A, and they have killer tea!) than to try and decide where I'd like to go for lunch.
I'm a creature of habit....what can I say.
But can someone please tell me what to read now? Because you know, I don't have TV, and my only other option is to watch the live stream of QVC on the internet. So before I become on a first name basis with QVC customer service, or the UPS guy, I'm in desperate need of a good book....maybe even a good book series. Oooh yeah, and I'll get totally immersed in it for a couple of years. That'd be great. Anybody?
This time, I began reading the series because I've had time to let book seven sink in, and I wanted to re-read the entire series back-to-back to get the full effect. I'm at the end of book six now, and about to begin the final Harry Potter book (that I've only read once before!) But you know......then what?
I've read and reread these books so many times through the years while impatiently waiting on the next Harry Potter installment that I kinda don't know what to read now. And also..... I mean.... how many times can a person reread Harry Potter? (2 times per year 2000-2006 until the last book came out in 2007 = 16 times including this last reading!)
I mean the Dumbledore being gay explanation from J.K. Rowling made things a little interesting at first, but.....you know....not really.
I've even read the British version.
(not that much different except a jumper to them is a sweater, and tennis shoes are trainers.) (Oh yeah, and they eat something called... Spotted Dick.)
I am not even lying, ya'll. I looked up the recipe!
But!
That's not all.
I have just realized that I do the same things over and over and over again. It's not just Harry Potter.... oh no.
It's EVERYTHING! ;) Take for instance, Friday at work, I asked my co-worker to bring me a pack of Handi-snacks cheese and crackers from the breakroom. Everything was fine until she called me from said breakroom and told me we were out of cheese and crackers.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok.
"How about cheese and pretzels?"
Ok.
So she brings me the cheese and pretzels, and they were very good. I said, "These are great! How can you not like cheese..... and you know....pretzels?" But the very unclear point I am trying to make here is that I would've never tried the pretzels had the crackers been there.
Is my whole life like this....? Yeah. It is.
And my poor husband. Bless his heart. He has to deal with this everynight.
Well, what can I say. I love me some greenbeans!
But any way you stack them..... still greenbeans.
Maybe, it's just a comfort thing. Maybe I'm OCD or something. I don't really think so though, because I usually don't freak out if I can't have something. I think it's more to do with actually deciding to do something else.
It's easy to just go to Chick-Fil-A and have a "six pack kid's meal with a medium tea" every single day (which I did for about .... oh, I'd say six years because I worked close by to a Chick-Fil-A, and they have killer tea!) than to try and decide where I'd like to go for lunch.
I'm a creature of habit....what can I say.
But can someone please tell me what to read now? Because you know, I don't have TV, and my only other option is to watch the live stream of QVC on the internet. So before I become on a first name basis with QVC customer service, or the UPS guy, I'm in desperate need of a good book....maybe even a good book series. Oooh yeah, and I'll get totally immersed in it for a couple of years. That'd be great. Anybody?
February 28, 2008
February 24, 2008
Cat Attacks! $%#@#$!
My husband built such a beautiful house, and I think I did a pretty good job of making it a home.
However, we have three cats. Need I say more? Our three cats want to trash and slash our sweet home. And if they don't trash it, the steps that we take to keep them from trashing it......pretty much make us look like, well, trash.
Case-in-point......
This is what our stair case newel posts used to look like:
But now, due to kitties trying to make them into a clawing tree trunk; they now look like this:
Yes, that's right folks, my dear husband put DUCT TAPE (sticky side out) around our newel posts. ***sigh***
Also, the carpet..... ****cringe!****
And the lovely chenille couch (so soft) looks fine far away, but close up: @#$^&%*!!!
The suspects are as follows:
a.k.a. Macy: Guilty of getting shut in or out of rooms and trying to dig her way through the carpet. Also, guilty of only drinking fresh water from the bathtub, and waiting till we are asleep and jumping into our bed and trying to sleep on my head.
a.k.a. Itchymink: Guilty of hairball extractions on the carpet, missing the liter box, clawing only the best furniture, and meowing incessantly.
a.k.a Thirsty: Guilty of clawing anything and everything, eating too much, and bullying the other kitties.
BUT!
I must say that I love my Kitties! They keep me company, they greet me at the door when I come home, they eat bugs, and make me laugh when I'm down. My kitties are so sweet!
They are sweet asleep, in boxes, and in bags.
But which one of you has floured feet!!!
Stay off the counters! Don't claw the furniture, stairs, or any woodwork for that matter! Stay out of the dryer, and don't shed on my bed!
I'm gettin' a dog......or better yet, a fish! ;)
However, we have three cats. Need I say more? Our three cats want to trash and slash our sweet home. And if they don't trash it, the steps that we take to keep them from trashing it......pretty much make us look like, well, trash.
Case-in-point......
This is what our stair case newel posts used to look like:
But now, due to kitties trying to make them into a clawing tree trunk; they now look like this:
Yes, that's right folks, my dear husband put DUCT TAPE (sticky side out) around our newel posts. ***sigh***
Also, the carpet..... ****cringe!****
And the lovely chenille couch (so soft) looks fine far away, but close up: @#$^&%*!!!
The suspects are as follows:
a.k.a. Macy: Guilty of getting shut in or out of rooms and trying to dig her way through the carpet. Also, guilty of only drinking fresh water from the bathtub, and waiting till we are asleep and jumping into our bed and trying to sleep on my head.
a.k.a. Itchymink: Guilty of hairball extractions on the carpet, missing the liter box, clawing only the best furniture, and meowing incessantly.
a.k.a Thirsty: Guilty of clawing anything and everything, eating too much, and bullying the other kitties.
BUT!
I must say that I love my Kitties! They keep me company, they greet me at the door when I come home, they eat bugs, and make me laugh when I'm down. My kitties are so sweet!
They are sweet asleep, in boxes, and in bags.
But which one of you has floured feet!!!
Stay off the counters! Don't claw the furniture, stairs, or any woodwork for that matter! Stay out of the dryer, and don't shed on my bed!
I'm gettin' a dog......or better yet, a fish! ;)
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